Cluj's oldest printed newspaper shocked its audience on Wednesday by starting to use English words and not-so-subtle Matrix references on the main page.

"This is outrageous", Virgiliu Senilescu, a self-proclaimed "71-years-youngster" we interviewed while he was playing backgammon on the side of a cereal box, commented. Pausing only to swear at the local football team, Senilescu explained that back in the "good old days", editors of the local daily Torch would have never allowed any English words in the paper. Russian, maybe.

"The Torch is going downhill – and fast. Faster than us, actually", said Catrina Tremurici, a pensioner who gracefully accepted to comment although busy spying on her 19-years-old neighbours. "Not just English words, but they also have some sort of a page where they speak of messenger and spam and http. Well let me tell you, yesterday I got my pension and there was NO spam in it. Plus, the messenger was the same as usual, from PTTR, not HTTP, so it's all a bunch of lies", Tremurici explained.

Local Ambulance coordinator Soria Mimu said there was a massive amount of calls in the early hours of the morning, with elderly Torch readers complaining about "dizziness" and "a sudden inability to read".

The Torch editors declined to comment on the rumours that we will see the first pair of tits on the first page by year's end.